Saturday, September 17, 2005
[reflection]
a few recent events have inspired this post. does what people think of you actually matter?
for me, it matters a great deal. not that my self-worth comes from what people think of me, but to me, its a reflection of myself. give me an honest opinion of what you think of me, and it may sting, but i would still appreciate it. i think. i evaluate it, and if i agree, i try to change (or come up with excuses why i can't change). or if i don't, i reason out why i am the way i am.
i know for one that i am an opinionated person. sometimes i think im always right and i can be stubborn about it. i am aware of it, but that's because if im standing up for something, i strongly believe in it and it will take alot to sway me.
ironically, i know its not right to think that im always right. but give me reasons, persuade me (if it actually matters to you) and i can be convinced.
i realise i have issues when i work in groups. sometimes i think my idea is really good and if you don't feel the same way too, it means you haven't completely understood it. i'm fighting an internal battle when this happens, i wonder whether i should stand up for it or be accommodating.
like for the strategy and systems project we have due on monday, we are working on kodak. my group came up with some good ideas, however, i felt that for the project its not good enough and it doesn't address the question adequately. i raised it to the group but the rest of them thought it was fine. i guess it didn't help that i tried to be polite and pose indirect questions to get them thinking about it, but only to make it seem like i don't know alot of things. i'm really reluctant to hand in what we have cos i don't think its good enough, but then i can't change their minds (i don't have another idea) and i can't do the project by myself.
i know its annoying that when everyone but one person in the group has agreed on something, and that one person keeps on insisting on his/her point of view. but what am i to do when i don't feel convinced of what i am doing? i don't like pointing out a fault without having a suggestion for improvement. i don't like spoiling the relationships in the group.
i really wonder if there's something wrong with me?
she jumped off the swing @ 1:43 AM
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